Francisco Miraval
I recently met with several people who suffer of an interesting form of addiction: they are addicted to the past. And, as it also happens to any other addict, they can’t control their situation and they seldom see the consequences of their addiction until it is probably too late to change or modify the situation.
When I say “addiction to the past” I am not talking, obviously, of a healthy interest in history or the desire of collecting objects related to significant historical events. The addiction to the past being discussed here is to assume that an unrepeatable moment of the past is the only worthy moment to be lived and relived in the life of that person.
For example, a person I know often tells me that “in two years” he will return to his native country. However, he has been telling me that line for almost 20 years now and he is still here. Also, he never accepted a full-time job and he didn’t allow his children to go to college.
Another person I recently met told me every dollar he earns he sends it to his native town in another country where he is building a house big enough for him, his wife, his children, and eventually his grandchildren. And the house will be located next to the house of his parents, so he can be next to them.
The problem is that, in doing so, he is not providing for his family, who lives and works here. He created so many problems, that his wife left him. His adult children how have their own families and none of them have any intention of going to a country they don’t know and they hardly remember.
Those are just a few examples illustrating a highly complicated situation. There are many more examples because we live at a time when changes happen so fast that many people want to escape from the present to a nice moment in the past to avoid both this oppressing present and the unknown future.
But being trapped in the past generates resentment against the presents and prevents building a future.
As it happens with any other addiction, the addiction to the past (which should not be confused with learning history or honoring traditions) leads people to self-destructive behaviors, such as forgetting their responsibilities towards his/her family and others, and, eventually, they live a life of complete negativities towards everybody and everything.
Because the “good past” is usually firmly connected with a time of feeling protected by people we love, such as parents or grandparents, the addiction to the past includes a highly emotional element. For that reason, any dialogue about the addiction is quickly dismissed by the person affected.
Is there any way to over this seldom recognized, but quite real addiction? As with any other addiction, you must recognize you are an addicted and you find a support group. And you can always try to connect with your best potential future self.