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Proyecto Visión 21

How come we are still the same after we have already changed?

Francisco Miraval

I know a certain person and her family for more than 20 years, since the time she was newlywed and a few years before she had children. We recently met again and the meeting led me to remember the past and to remember the future too.

The memories of the past came back to me while talking with this lady about the early meetings my wife and I had with her and her husband. The memories of the future came back when we compared the dreams we had two decades ago with what we have achieved today.

We spent a nice time talking and it was even nicer to have her little granddaughter around. It was, indeed, a good time. After all, neither of our families is facing any major problems. But there was something about the meeting and about the dialogue I didn’t like. At first I couldn’t pinpoint what it was. I couldn’t express it.

Then, a few days after the visit, I realized what had caused me to feel a bitter taste in my mouth: 20 years after our first meeting, the lady I recently met was still doing exactly the same thing she has been doing for more than 20 years and, even worst, at the same exact place.

She was no longer the young wife she used to be. Her children are now young adults. She is now a grandmother. Her family grew and changed and the world changed. Yet, she is still doing what she ever did and she is still working at the same place.

Obviously, there have been many social, economic, demographic, cultural and technological changes in the world during the past two decades, thus opening new employment and educational opportunities in almost any imaginable field. Yet, in spite of all that, this lady is still living in the past, as if nothing has ever changed.

Perhaps she prefers the past because that’s the only thing she knows. Or perhaps she feels overwhelmed by life to the point she has been unable to connect with the future she once dreamed for her and for her children. I do know, of course, she is now at a different time of her life, but, regrettably, it seems nothing has changed for her.

Perhaps that’s why, as she said, she is so frustrated. And even unconsciously she shared her frustration and powerlessness with her children. I think that’s the negativity I felt during our conversation and I didn’t like it because I am sure this lady and her family have the potential to achieve many great things. They don’t deserved to constantly repeat the past. They can certainly do better than that.

Each stage of our life introduces new challenges for us, but perhaps the biggest challenge is to let a stage go so we can fully enjoy the new stage. However, we are seldom prepare for those changes. We continuously push children to become adults, but we don’t teach adults how to keep growing.

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